Quadrangle
by GoddessofSnark
Summary: Snape loves Who? And they love What? What loves THAT? That loves Snape? What's the world coming to?


A/N funny little thing in response to a challenge on HPFF about writing a love quadrangle-one is in love with two is in love with three is in love with four who's in love with one. Don't own any of them, but it's funness. Not intended to be serious at all.

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_Happiness is the china shop; love is the bull. -H. L. Mencken_

It was a bloody mess. That was the only way to describe the fighting currently going on at the head table in the great all. I sat back, watching with amusement, my inner eye had foretold all this happening. Only two of them believed it though. But I knew this would happen. There are those who think my gift a joke, but I'm sure that neither Gilderoy nor Albus are thinking it is a joke at the moment. I told it to them both, I did. I saw it in my tea leaves for Gilderoy. That he would have to prove himself for his true love. But that he would get him in the end. And as for Albus, I predicted that his true love wasn't the one he thought it was, that he should see the forest for the trees, and look at his life again.

Of course, neither of them listened.

The other two, well, they never listened. They think I'm a joke, a fraud, only here because Albus pitied me. Albus has seen my gift in action. He knows that I have it. It is not the fault of the seer that the gift is not always present. Nor is it the fault of the seer that not everyone has the gift. But they refuse to believe that since I cannot draw up a prophecy at will and have it be true that I must be a phony. I am not a fraud.

I downed another glass of sherry, and watched them fight amongst themselves. If they weren't careful they'd start drawing the attention of the students. What fun that would be indeed. I had the..._pleasure_, of sitting right in the middle the action. With Severus and Albus on one side, and Minerva and Gilderoy on my other. It was so very fortunate for me to come down to dinner today as well. I normally don't, it clouds my inner eye, but i saw this morning in the crystal ball that things would be coming to a head this evening. And so they were.

"Minerva, I really never understood your fascination with older men-" That was Severus's silky voice, I could tell that. I also could figure that the spewing of the pumpkin juice was Minerva. "Who would want to date their grandfather?" I predict that right now Albus Dumbledore is glaring daggers at his potions professor.

"I don't know, perhaps you should change your views to blondes perhaps, you might find that they do have more fun." Well played, Minerva. Although I don't particularly care for the leering glare that has to go around me to from the man on the far left of me to the man on the far right. "Who knows, you might even find one who's willing to spend time with a great bat like you."

"A great bat indeed. Are you quite sure that anyone would be interested in a vampire Minerva?" So that was the one that Albus thought he was in love with. The inner eye can be cloudy at times-I could not discern the figure when I foretold the headmaster's future.

"Of course Albus, it's possible for someone to love a vampire, he might prove to be an interesting research project for someone in the field."

"I was, in fact looking for source material for my new book-" The snort from my right was Severus, no doubt.

"Really, Gilderoy? Why not interview one of the greatest wizards of the era, who's had extensive dealings with the dark arts?" I foresee the Headmaster having to enlarge doorways to fit his head through them in the near future.

"I'm sure you can find another much more capable biographer Albus, that would be able to spend much more time expounding on your virtues." Although with the way Minerva was going, he may have to expand the doors to even get out of the great hall.

"Besides, I'm much more interested in vampires, or at least supposed vampires." Why did he insist on leering through me? Did he not think I could feel it. "Really, like do you find yourself with a certain affinity for bats?"

"I find that I have more of an affinity for cats than bats." Oh god. He was batting his eyelashes. That called for another glass of sherry. I predict that the only way to survive this night is to finish off the bottle beneath the table.

"You do realize that cats hiss and scratch, do you not, Severus?" It seems as if Albus is taking the 'If I can't have love, no one will' approach. Rather commendably selfish of him.

"Nothing wrong with getting a little scratched up every now and then." Really, if Minerva kept it up, she'd be spewing pumpkin juice all over Gryffindor table.

"But there's nothing better than a purring cat curled up next to you, isn't that so Albus." Another swig of sherry is necessary. Predict that it will take many bottles to rid images from inner eye.

"I'd rather something tall blonde and gorgeous myself-" The students have started to notice, but the four of them are rather oblivious to their crowd of spectators. I don't even need a crystal ball to see the Weasley twins profiting off the money exchanging hands.

"But really, tall dark and handsome is so much more attractive." I can also see that my classes tomorrow will be full of rumor mongering and gossip. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

"Really Gilderoy? I would have thought that the only person you found attractive was yourself." Smattering of applause from Gryffindor table, that went unnoticed.

"I do have extracurricular pursuits as well. I think it would be absolutely fascinating to interview someone who was supposedly linked so much to the dark arts-" Stop puffing up your chest, Headmaster, before I stab you with a fork. Perhaps it would let out all the hot air holding your ego up. It doesn't take a seer to see who Lockhart means.

"Yes, you'd like to have your senses ensnared, wouldn't you?" Score: Minerva 1, Lockhart 0.

"Oh very much so." Looks of disgust from amongst the students. Can sense potions master turning red. Or puce. Yes, much more closer to puce.

"I personally, prefer men with a bit of class, and elegance who don't spend their entire lives holed away hating the world." Batting eyelashes look horrible from behind those glasses. "I prefer a man with a bit of life in him. Who is interesting, and witty-" Ah, so this is the way it was supposed to work out, was it not? Albus seeing what was in front of him. He does seem to be preening over Minerva's comments. They would work well together, she knew how to stroke his ego.

"Did I ever tell you about the time-" I tune out their conversation. It would be another long-winded Albus story where the only thing you had to do was smile, nod and act as if what he did was really such great thing that it would save all mankind, even if it was only that he managed not to nick himself shaving that morning. There was a reason why he grew that beard. Not because it made him look majestic, but because he'd kill himself if he had to shave every day.

"Really Severus, how would you like to be the subject of my next book?"

"And what would it be about?"

"Well I'm thinking it would mostly be set in a bedroom-or really the dungeons seem so much more interesting." I hear an audible gulp coming from my right. I foresee two empty chairs tomorrow morning at breakfast.

I finish off the bottle of Sherry. So things had worked themselves out. I got up from the table. I predict that the rest of this year will be nothing, if not interesting.


End file.
